Kobe Jumps Over My Mom

Ah Kobe Bryant.

He is my favorite basketball player at the time and has one of those polarizing personalities which people either hate or love.This seems to happen with celebrities, and more often with athletes. I’ve never been big on Pro Basketball, preferring to watch NCAA Basketball, but thanks to ESPN and the rest of the American Sports Machine (no, not “Gerorge Micheals Sport’s Machine” but the entire Television, radio and newspaper coverage and advertising of sports etc etc) I had enough exposure to the NBA to know that Kobe is as he was first advertised, the Sheit.

Now that I fled the United States, when it comes to the NBA, the playoffs is all I have. <That is well and good for me as I never seemed to watch anything but that. With NCAA I can get my March Madness Madness at a number of pubs and bars in the center of Rome and other major European cities that cater to the high amount of Americans in said locations (targeting the male Study Abroads, there are a few female fans too but they’re not targeted for love of sports but are definitely still targeted in Europe)

If you go to the Youtube! pages and look at the comments under the previous videos you will see the amount of unbridled hate and unrequited love that such figures as Kobe receive.

The sides draw the lines and anyone mentioning the plausibility of the footage being real is a Nickname-for-people-named-Richard Rider. Anyone discounting it is automatically a hater.

I am throwing my thoughts on these videos in the ring. They are real shoes, it is a real car, it is a real Kobe, it is a real pool, real snakes, real Jackasses, real midget (midgets weird me out), real basketball, filled with real air, real hoop, real camera, real footage, Kobe really jumped then he really landed, the car really drove, Kobe really picked up a midget and midgets weird me out enough, that for the time he was holding him, it was enough to make him not my favorite player anymore, the footage was taken to a real editing room, where they used real ‘Hollywood’ technology, to produce a really entertaining set of commercials, to sell real shoes, worn by a real Kobe, to generate a really big buzz, which will lead to really big profits for Kobe and other people with really big bank accounts, including owner of the Lakers Jerry Buss who as a high stakes poker player knows the real risks of gambling, so made sure Kobe signed a real contract, with real stipulations, that aim to keep him out of real danger outside of the basketball court, of which I am sure Kobe’s agents keep him really well informed of, and he really listens, because he really seems to love basketball, and getting hit by cars is not a real good way to practice taking a hard foul.

Nor are multiple snake bites a cheaper faster and really good alternative to a relaxing session post workout acupuncture.

Can Kobe jump a car or a pool of snakes. I think so. Did Kobe jump a car or a pool of snakes. I think not.

  • More on The hate Kobe receives and the love others get. I also just want to include a PTI clip because I luv the show. Funny PTI quotes
  • More On Kobe about that one time he scored 81. I agree with their comparisons because I used to watch The Hilltoppers Basketball team drop 130+ on some teams amazing as that was scoring 81 professionally, ludicrous.

  • If your waiting for video of him jumping over my mom, grab a plastic or paper bag. Go to the nearest kitchen sink or cleaning closet. Grab a can of aerosol, bleach wood polisher, glue something strong smelling. Spray or somehow cover the inside of the previously obtained bag. Grab the end of the bag so that there is an opening about the size of your mouth. Take a long breath out, place bag to mouth and inhale deeply, repeat this for about 3-4 minutes, then watch this clip of “George Micheal Sports Machine” plays of the year. You should see it at about 4:05 into the video

One response to “Kobe Jumps Over My Mom

  1. Pingback: Shaquille O’Neal is one huuuge…just watch the clip « Rant A. Tonne·

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