Want a Friend? Just Say No : Freindship by Rejection

Watching “Boston Legal“, great friggin’ show. ‘Denny Crane!’

In the previous episode, the lawyer with the really hyperactive social anxiety disorder of sorts asks this one female lawyer he works with, to dinner.  They show her telling someone she did not intend there to be any romantic intentions in the dinner. whether he overheard it or it was her telling him this, he got the point.

This episode began with his anxiety flaring up past his already ridiculously high point to where he kept his talking to her to bursts of a word or two and could not even look at her. She eventually makes him look at her, sits down and asks when you asked em to dinner as colleagues were you asking me out. he says “i have no idea what your talking about.” A slight look of disbelief crosses her face, she smiles a little and looks directly at him and says “however our relationship evolves, I pray it is always an honest one were you asking me out on a date Jerry?” Looking quite nervous and more than a little uncomfortable, Jerry ,while pensively looking down to his left sighs deeply and says “yes,” with a nod. She smiles and immediately says, “I’m enormously flattered by that, it’s a lucky woman that gets to be involved with you.” With a tinge of irony Jerry asks, “and you don’t feel nearly so lucky?”

Without skipping a beat, she says ” I’ve known you less than a month and I already feel that you and I could grow into the very best of friends, a friendship that runs deeper than any I’ve ever had with a lover” sad music kicks in as Jerry says “Katie, It was wrong of me, even to ask.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Katie interjects, “you took a chance with the Noblest of motives, you should feel anything but, embarrassed. Aside form being one of the Kindest and most intelligent men Ive ever encountered, i know you to be a person with impeccably good taste and high standards.” Jerry laughs a little as Katie smiles then with a serious look says “Promise me you won’t stop being my friend, Jerry.”

Jerry smiling shakes his head puts on his chainsaw gloves and proceeds to give Katie the deep tissue massage of her life…well the end of her life at least.

if the "meaning of life" had a facebook account, this would be its profile picture.

if the’meaning of life’ had a facebook profile this would be it’s profile picture

Ok, ok that last part with the massage, I made it up, there is no such thing as chainsaw gloves, although there really should be…I am using that in one of my drawings. Jerry ends up saying, “I never would” and Katie gets up , and goes to join Taraji P. Hensons‘ character hard out there for a pimp but not so much for a lawyer, smiles as she walks away and he gives her a lil’ wave.

You may say this is a nice quaint little scene. Maybe Jerry is on a shortage of friends due to his condition, his character really is at a shortage of friends. oh sheit something just happened that i’ll get back to after this part of the rAnt.So maybe he was ready and willing to have any friends he could have.

Or also it could be quaint because it is a TV show written by some amazing writers.

This happens in the ‘real world’ too. May, have happened to you, maybe me. Maybe once, twice, thrice or more. This may be due to it being socially expected of men to ask women out, so i will go out on a limb, by limb i am not referring to a splintery 3 inch circumference tree limb but more like one of Atlas‘ limbs, and say that you are probably a guy if you have found yourself repeatedly on the receiving end of one of these, ‘your really great, but lets not mate’ speeches.

The dreaded “freinds zone.”

Many have heard of it, some may have visited it, but I feel that have purchased land in it, built homes upon said land, won awards for the magnificence of the architecture and find myself in a position from which I can righteously rAnt about how much it sucks when you find out you have to pay for yet another home for which you should pay the mortgage on, in the No F Zone.

In the name of fairness, even though being my rAnt I have no obligation to display, I have met some guys who think having a female friend is absurd.

I have also been in the situation where a male friend ends up dating a female friend through the fact that me and her were friends then once dating her they her angry at me for maintaining the friendship. Which i find ridiculous. So in no means is this a women are ridiculous thing. It is a people are ridiculous thing. I personally feel that to date someone they should be my best friend. Closer to me than any of my other friends.

In Katie’s reasoning above, and that of many other girls and women, they claim that you are so great and they would never want to loose you etc etc but it is not like that. There is a big separation between feelings and physical attraction sure, but it strikes me as odd when someone claims that their friendships will go deeper than any situation where more is involved. And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Could it be the effect of being a male in this society that makes me and other guys wary of this friends zone? Personally I do not mind female friends. I agree that there is attraction and there is friendship. I do disagree that while rejecting someone it is right to give the no i do not want the relationship that you want, I want this one, and then get angry if the person does not want to be friends.

After all you just said no to their relationship request, why should yours be accepted? On top of that if being around her makes you like her, and leads you to want to date her, then continuing to be around her in the same capacity as you were before would only lead to make those feelings stronger.

Remember that thing that happened as I was  rAnting away before. Here it is. Shirley was caught by Denny Kissing her new love interest. Later on she talks to Denny who asks if she loves the new guy. She does. He then asks if she loves him. She does, just not like that. She says he has no trouble finding women. He says he loves her. She says then he should want her to be happy even if it is not with her. He says he does not love her that much but that part is not helpful for my point which is the argument that some use to argue for the rejectees continued friendship and good will, is one the rejectee can use in defense of their anger and/or need to leave.

If being around the person you like hurts because of the constant reminder of the rejection, should they not, as a person that cares for you as a friend, want you to avoid feeling pain and condone and or advise you to not be around the thing that hurts?

I do not know the answers nor completely understand the reasons for this behavior, both parts of the one rejecting and the one rejected.  Let me put it this way.

You have loved a college all through high school. You wear their colors, know it’s history, support its sports teams. Junior year when you apply to the college, you first weigh your chances against their perceived  requirements. You then take a chance, fill out the app and send it in.  You spend time writing papers, sending in application fees, forwarding your transcripts. You may be a great student and person but still not exactly what they are looking for.

They let you know.

You take down all your posters and banners, give all your jerseys and clothes with the school logo away. The school has not done anything different, their standards were always their standards, you were mistaken in thinking you could get in all you can do is stop reminding yourself of your mistake.

The school is does not hold a grudge at you no longer being a fan, it does not expect your continued  adoration. But women are not Institutions, and liking someone is not an application process. Hence the frustration leading to this rAnt. I will continue to look for insight, and for now will continue to talk to this girl whom I kinda sorta like, that I am sure does not feel the same.

  • Wiki fun: Jerry from Boston Legal has Aspergers Syndrome and Tourette’s
  • read the rAnt below this one, 30 days to Halloween, here is todays installment of costume idea. Animals, especially those cat pics that everyone loves. Click the costume, the one on the left, to see the information on the costume.



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