I likes Candy! Treats for Tricks

click the picture for the large version to properly take in the goodness

click the Image, I dare you, I stared at it for minutes

I wonder what kind of candy would be given out if hoellege age chicks went around trick or treating?

Wouldn’t that be a sight to see. I bet you would see a whole lot more dads walking around keeping their tykes safe from marauders and child snatchers inappropriate? maybe. Care? definitely not. Hmm, then there runs the chance of the mothers and wives, mobilizing in some sort of anti-hoelloween version of M.A.D.D. , taking offense to all the fathers and partners, going out ogling all the candy porn out there.

If you’re wondering where this is going, i’ll let you know, it’s going right here.

Just wanted to say candy porn to lead into the fact that I fraquing loooooove candy corn. Sugar, corn syrup, and water and cooked them into a slurry; Fondant added for texture; marshmallows providing the soft bite. then all the different sizes, shapes and colours*. What’s not to like. As much as I loooove it I hardly ever eat it at any time besides around halloween, I am pretty sure it is available at all times, if not I am considering stockpiling some corn of candy this season.

Speaking of stockpiling, remember the people that used to leave a bucket of candy at the door with a note saying you should take one since they were either not there, not allowed by law to talk to kids (yes I went there again and I still don’t care) or the third option that they could not be bothered to pretend to like your cheap ass costume, but were still enough of a Lemming to feel they would not be doing their part in society without spreading the candy joy?

Remember how you would sprint up to the bowl, excited that you would have a half time preview of the end of the night goodness that is digging through a bunch of candy for what you like best, instead of the coin flip** that a knock on the door and a hand full of candy was?

Remember finding the bowl, empty because some douche kid had taken them all?

That kid was me, I got there and found isht candy (Tootsie Rolls) and instead of fleeing in terror as I believe people should from the horror that is Tootsie roll, I took all the bowls contents in order to assuage my anger, disgust and disappointment by pelting costumed children, like you, with them. I kid, I kid, I did not live by you, I did not take the candy, but who wouldn’t you stoopid absentee adults, pedophiles*** and passive participators? “just take one?” Ha! yeah i’m sure being hopped up on sugar and dressed as little demons will all of a sudden make kids and young teens start caring about each other.

I Intended to give some more recipes on how to make candy and talk more about its many virtues and dark hidden evils and untruths, but I tire of this. Halloween is 25 days away, on to costume ideas.

  • Since Hoelloween is going nowhere, why not organize a candy porn party, pretty much just your regular college age Halloween fare + Candy.
  • Ladies, I use the term loosely, if you must Hoelloween (punny haha loose, hoes? get it…) it up instead of going as one of the cliche go toes, like sexy nurse, why not go as a Foxxy Love (costume) from Drawn Together. If you have not seen the show do yourself a favor, go find it watch it, bring friends. If you would like to challenge yourself this Halloween, you could try and hoe up Strawberry Sweetcake or to be different without having to think too much of how to wear less, gender bend as Xandir (costume).
  • Costumes for everyone: Candy! M & M’s are always good, but you can try different takes on them. as a group you can go as 3 musketeers and be both the french and candy. Or one person the two people be the letter m and one an ampersand, you could make huge hands and spread butter on them for Butterfinger, Carry a baby while wearing a shirt that says my name is Ruth for Babe Ruth (I know he’s a baseball player and has a shirt but make your own) . You could just make fun of people and snicker at them for Snickers and if you are or can find a girl named Katherine, Kathleen, Katarina, Katrina, Kathryn, Kathy and variations all you will need is a black 1982 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am or a  a 2008 Ford Mustang  Shelby GT500 KR , and you’ve got a Kit Kat .Since your shortening the female name to get Kat you can drop the Thousand to get kit, and if anyone asks tell them to give you a break…that was candy corny, wow I do not like where this is going must stop here are pictures of candy costumes

  • *See how I spelled colours there? I remember coming to the States from Kenya, formerly one of the colonies of the United Kingdom , having learnt English. I was rather dismayed to find that they did not use the letter ‘U’ in their spelling. I remember thinking, “What’s wrong with you, what did U do?” or was it “What’s wrong with U, what did you do?!” It was none, I was not that punny as a sixth grader, but I am bringing the U back. I do not mean “the U,” I cannot bring that back, remember how dominant they used to be?
  • **ever need to flip a coin when online? I have and after you bookmark this link I am sure you will find reasons to flip a coin or two online, just like if you’d find reasons to use a huge well financed and trained army if you had one, because you know that’s what it’s there for.
  • ***I referenced the  a taboo subject 3 times, without any remorse. You’re allowed to hate me now, since I don’t care about you anyway. Kidding, unless its you Kali…so not my favorite.

  • here is a treat for you curious enought o check what was down here

Knight rider clips, luved it but not as much as candy corn

new car has yet to prove itself but here this guy

Let us know what you think

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.