I will not take all credit for this revelation as it was reinforced by something similar from a comedian. Either the late Bernie Mac, one of the other Original Kings of Comedy or Dave Chappelle, I cannot be bothered to look it up. Women complain of all the lies men tell, specifically before and during the dating process.
Why do they lie?
Men, out of the goodness of their hearts, understand that women are usually right. With this in mind they do their best to follow the lead of their better halves and LIE, LIE, LIE. The make-up… your skin under the layers concealer is not that shade; Your lips are not that red and covered in glossy goodness; your eyes are not that captivating without the liner, shadow, mascara and more; Wonder Bra? After they see them they wish they could return to just wondering what they looked like. Your hair? If it is even all yours and not some synthetic fiber or mixed up collections of some unfortunate girls hair, is at times not in the colour(s) that you were born with. Heels? Not that tall.
So yeah, men lie.
Hell, if they say your the most beautiful woman they have seen it is a catch-22. They are either lying because you may be gorgeous, but chances are they’ve seen better. In the unlikely case that they (the poor poor sad bastards) really haven’t seen anyone else as beautiful they are still lying, because for previously stated reasons, they have not seen yet actually seen you.
So what brought this on?
The latest occurrence of a young woman recounting the recent lies of her pathological liar of a boyfriend that she continues to stay with whilst perplexed that he continues to lie?
No, actually last night was magnificent, Hung out with Jamie, Lucy and Danni, and there was intoxication a gratis. What sparked this rAnt, started a few weeks ago and ended with the 7:30am bus-ride home, during which i realized that though I have no problem with being lied to, I sure as hell have a problem with being blatant. The kind of lie that makes it seem the liar must think I have the intelligence of a single celled organism, with a learning impediment, whose memory and judgment are addled by smoking too much of that sticky amoeba weed and was educated in a public school in the rough areas of the body that are being neglected.
Thanks to the Book of Faces I have been able to look back to past attractions. I often begin to wonder what exactly was it I saw. Was it the setting? Were they were pretty in comparison to the other girls? Was it ‘gang-mentality’, where enough people who had not seen better, thought these girls were pretty and overrode my past experiences of what I considered beauty?
The blatant lie I speak of here, is the habit of over-making up.
I saw a girl that could not be out of high school with the products caked on to her face. (with my advanced years my estimation on ages below 18 or 18 are in blocks as follows 13-17, 8-12, 5-8, toddler then baby.) It made me remember high school and the slightly unnerving times of noticing the clearly visible change on the necks or chins of girls. with all that makeup couldn’t they fade that isht in? In college i remember seeing a black and white picture of someone. The juxtaposition of the over tanned skin reflecting the light and flash and the concealer covered face absorbing it resulted in a picture where in which she actually seemed black and white. Her arms had this almost metallic sheen to them and her face was just very flat greyness.
Stop the madness please, in most cases you are 150% better looking without the misuse of cosmetics.
Now this is where I would usually say “I do not blame them, because it is not entirely their fault.” I would then argue that “Some of the blame should be on the fashion and beauty industry for setting such a lofty and unreachable standard. (mentioned in a previous rAnt of mine Supermodels Gone Bad)” Then finish by saying, “it must not really be a problem since I continually see guys dating these ‘multi-layered’ girls and women.”
Not this time.
Stop the madness.
You should know better. You have mirrors. Unless this is an episode of “House M.D” and your suffering from Jaundice due to liver failure, your odd yellowish orange skin colour is the result of going overboard with the fake tanner. I am not saying stop wearing makeup, I know a lot goes into the creation, marketing and general existence of those products, but that is no reason to use every single product every-time you set foot outside. In this case less means more of you. So please ladies, stop clowning, it’s not Halloween…
…but it is in about 2 weeks, soooooo here are the installments for costumes.
Clowns. Halloween is supposed to be scary…somewhat. A surprising amount of people are scared of clowns. In high school I read Stephen King’s “IT” and was scared of the dark for months, I kept seeing balloons and isht. So my suggestion is Clown it up. You could go as a conventional clown, the ladies can Hoelloween it up with a sexy clown costume. I think that has a lot of potential. You can use condoms as balloons or even better as water balloons. Or you can go as one of the clowns I discussed in this rAnt. Just cake on the makeup and go out there and act like no one notices that your face is 10 shades different than your neck.
For costumes not to wear. Last night i was talking to starts with J rhymes with Aime, and she was telling me about her costume. She wanted me to help design her wings for her Sexy Butterfly costume… don’t.
Another costume not to wear. The Joker. Yes I know the Dark Knight was the movie experience of your life and re-envisioned the way you view cinema… If you must, go as Jack Nicholson’s Joker, but if you do not still own at least 5 comic books. Let it go.
This following picture shows why guys lie about the things they do and avoid trying to directly emulate the lies of woman kind. I found this picture on my new favorite blog Hot CHicks with Douche Bags. Check it out if you haven’t already, but at the same time don’t forget about me. :::Sniffle sniffle:::