“Better to have Loved and Lost”

-something said by no one who has ever been in love.

once upon was love

once upon was love

This is an annoying saying many have heard, some said, few meant, a fraction believe and I claim to be false.

If you are in a relationship and think the person you love is a certain way, only to find out that for months or years the person has been something else. You never really loved the person they actually are.

They have been all you saw but that was just a part. Their entirety could contain, or actually be contrary to the values you ascribed.

Was it love? What is your take in that situation?

I do not define that as love.

If you are dreaming of happily eating your favorite meal, only to wake up and be hungrily sitting in bed, was that actual happiness you experienced? Were you receiving any nourishment from that meal? It sure felt like it, but it was illusory. In your mind. Once you get over the short disappointment you can focus your efforts to attaining the real thing.

This applies to the relationship. Was what you loved actually there in-spite of what you did not know or just something you thought was there. For example if I think someone is a physics professor, and admire her ability to teach, then find out she ghostwrites for a blog that discusses how the rapture is coming in this generation, there are a few things I must now consider.

This is something I can add to the reality of the physics teacher. If she is still doing that, the attributes are still there. Now if she is just the blogger, or thinks everything about physics and science is some sort of conspiracy and is teaching with the intent to slyly undermine the evil machinations of the scientific process and prepare her students for the glorious rapture to come… the values may never have been there. It was a fabrication. A dream.

Smile, you woke up.

Since i’ve got you here, how about another hopefully less convoluted analogy…

Imagine eating a pear was a goal in your life. I convince you an apple is a pear and you eat it.  You then think, “goal achieved it was worth the effort,” and are content that you like the taste of pears. You may like the what you tasted, you may eventually like pears, but you had not eaten a pear. Knowing it was not a pear frees you to find out what it was you liked about that apple and then go find an actual pear.

That may have helped no one, fair enough what i’m trying to say is…

You cannot loose something you never had.

Whether there is a one true love is something that is up for debate. I surely haven’t found one or mine but will most likely rAnt about it if I do. I’ve had inklings, possibilities but gladly they haven’t held me in a sort of stasis or left me in a decaying orbit approaching the event horizon of the uncaring black hole that is ‘unrequited love.’ Recognizing them for what they were, from complete misses to lasting friendships, has freed me to look for the genuine article.

I used to say this and it still applies. “Anyone who says it is better to have loved and then never to have loved at all, must never have been in love to begin with.”

Call me a romantic, but though the misses have hurt in their own measure, I can only imagine how destructive the loss of a feeling far more potent than that created by these simulations would be.

  • Video of the Post : “Right Side of My Brain” by The Dream as the journey it tells fits this post


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