In this entry on the Hands Up, Don’t Hit Series I cover some refutations given to defend the idea that people are spanked and turn out ok. This is often used in order to avoid discussing the subject of peaceful parenting. Some people cross the street without looking in both directions doesn’t mean it is not a dangerous thing to do.
Remember if you say ciao once in a while when greeting people it odes not mean you are fluent in Italian. Saying ciao however, is speaking Italian. With that in mind realize that if you were spanked or spanked others that was abuse. This does not automatically make the actor an irredeemable abuser of children or the receiver a broken beyond functioning victim.
The following is the text of how the initial conversation went. I am glad to say that the person reacted positively and said they would check out more of the Peaceful Parenting Series I suggested:
“I was spanked and I turned out okay.”
No frame of reference to see how you’d have turned out had you not been spanked. Not saying you aren’t ok but it is likely despite spanking not due.
“It’s not about hurting the child, it’s about shocking the child.”
Agreed adding more shock to the hurt is not good. Like putting them in a dark room and randomly hitting would be worse than attempting to calmly explain then lightly spank. There is still hurt though and no explanation ever given why one should have the base level of hurt reduction be spanking instead of no physical aggression at all.
“Everyone’s seen this before: Little 4 year old billy trips and falls, he sits up, waits for 5 seconds, then starts crying. Small children cry when they’re startled, the spank is the equivalent of a nip on the ear to a dog to discourage unwanted behavior.”
Disagree with the comparison. Also quite often the child may not cry if no one sees. It’s often for calling attention versus actual pain. I do not really understand what context you brought this in but I think that goes to your position being inherently indefensible. Is it somewhat odd to you that you went to the dog example. Possibly to have to dehumanize the interaction? Even if it’s because a kid is of low cognitive abilities the one nipping the dogs ear is usually another dog, because they can’t reason and/or talk it out. Or were you saying you do or did this with any dogs you have?
“Once kids reach a certain age, revoking their privileges works better and there’s no reason to lay a finger on them. Its just about development and the understanding of wants and needs. A 4 year old won’t care if you ground him for a week like a 14 year old would.”
Mere assertions. What defines this certain age? What defines the caring for grounding? You say it’s about development and understanding needs. How about the parent understand the child’s want to not be hit and meet the needs in a separate non violent way?
Do you disagree with the NAP? Have you listened to any of the philosophical parenting series? The following is not an argument but I used to say I was spanked and turned out ok. I clearly was not as I also used to say I would use physical punishments and violence (spanking hitting let’s call it what it is) as a parent and that not doing so is part of why the society is so bad. I was clearly not ok because there really is no defense for that abuse of power in that sort of relationship let alone one between 2 relatively equal and capable people.
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Merchandise below and as mentioned if you have stories you may want to share let me know. Emails on the topic are to : firstname.lastname@example.org
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